The thing about bacon rolls is that, oh for fuck’s sake, it’s such a bloody ballache. Get the bread, cook the bacon, butter the bread, put the bacon in the bread, put ketchup on the bacon. On and on and on it goes. It’s such an almighty faff that I’m surprised people don’t LITERALLY drop down DEAD from exhaustion the SECOND they even lift a bacon roll to their poxy mouths.
But RELAX. I FIXED IT. I’ve made a bacon roll that you bake with the bacon actually inside the roll. And there’s a load of cheese in it too because, what the hell, if you’re going to die of a coronary you may as well die of one that literally causes your heart to explode in your chest and sent screaming jets of congealed blood squirting out of your mouth and nostrils and anus. Anyway: BACON BREAD YUMMY!
HOW TO MAKE THE BACON BREAD
STEP ONE: Make some dough.
STEP TWO: Throw a shitload of bacon onto the dough.
STEP THREE: Throw a shitload of cheese onto the bacon on top of the dough.
STEP FOUR: Roll the whole lot up, divide it into small loaves and bake it.
STEP FIVE: Hypnotise the bread into loving you.
STEP SIX: Live together happily for ever and ever and ever.
THE END.
Recipe stolen from How To Bake by Paul Hollywood.
