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Stuart Heritage is a writer and journalist responsible for the following:

- Children's picture books about ponies and elephants

- Children's chapter books about invisible dogs and annoying ducks

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- Grown-up books about male pattern baldness and suboptimal sibling relationships

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- Journalism about television, film, parenting and travel for The Guardian, The Times, Vanity Fair, Esquire, Men's Health and the NME, among others

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- Some of one episode of Bluey

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- Two different children

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- Writing credits on television shows he does not want you to look up

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- A spot on a list of the 50 most influential emerging figures in the British media, but this was very long ago and obviously hasn't amounted to anything

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